Muzungu Abroad

From Day 1 in Kampala, Uganda I knew I was embarking on a journey that would go far beyond the expectations I had for a study abroad program. Today we visited the Baha’i temple, which gave me the perfect opportunity to really reflect on the many experiences and interactions that I know will continue to change my life. Specifically, how I see myself, and my place in the world.

Before I arrived in Kampala, Uganda, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how being in Africa would effect me as an African-American and did my best to prepare myself for a variety of possible feelings, stressors and anxieties. Since I have been here, I have seen and learned so much about Ugandan culture and can’t help but feel jealous of their intense sense of identity and am sad that it is so foreign to me, that there is so much that I do not understand.

A few classmates and I spoke with a Ugandan native that is an employee of the hotel we are staying at. She was confused as to how, and more importantly, why most of us do not know where our African ancestors originated from and what tribe we are apart of. I couldn’t help but feel saddened, as this was something that I had never really thought about and was completely unprepared for the overwhelming realization that my African roots were not only unknown, but that it left a huge gap in my identity as an African-American. On another occasion, I was speaking with a man in a market and was asked where I was from. After telling him that I was from America, he proceeded to say “But you are Black”. I told him that I was African-American he replied, “So you are white?”, demonstrating to me that in this country, race is more of an identification of culture and not necessarily ethnic background. Never in my life have I had someone ask me if I was white.

Finally, in a more recent conversation with a young Ugandan girl, it became clear to me that colorism is also very real in Africa and that having darker skin was not seen as attractive as having lighter features. Although I was not completely surprised, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated. I honestly had hoped that if there was anywhere in the world where having dark features would be overwhelmingly embraced it would be in an African country.

As I sat in the peaceful silence of the Baha’I temple, I thought about what these interactions demonstrate and speak towards my identity as an African-American and recall memories of how racism and colorism have directly affected my life in America. Although I have felt incredibly welcomed and have met so many wonderful people here in Uganda, my time here has left me with so many unanswered questions on what it means to be an African-American. Most importantly, how being both African and American, but not completely accepted in either society is a burden that comes with my ancestry.

However, in the words of the two outstanding professors that I have had the pleasure of working with and learning from on this trip I “can’t end on a bad note” and “am exactly where I am supposed to be when I get there”. I don’t know if it is because of where I am in my life, how society is changing in America or because it is my first time in Africa, but I can honestly say that these experiences and lessons could not have come at a better time in my life. For that, I am extremely grateful and look forward to the incredible amount of growth and understanding of the world and myself.