I’m not the best at making friends, it’s just never been a skill that I’ve cultivated, but people are part of what makes a place more than just space.  Florida is important to me because that’s where my best friend lives.  There’s a Target in Atlanta that will forever be where I had my first date with my current partner.

Ireland and Northern Ireland are much better for me because of you guys.  I would have never assumed that my trip would be so ingrained with such little, yet amazing, things.  Like every coffee shop where I got to see the work of the Selfie Queen, walking against the wind and seeing Randall’s beard part around his face, talking about tofu with Kristin, hearing a symphony whenever Harlow are or drank anything, being in absolute awe over Jolie’s confidence, and witnessing Sara’s professional style every day.  It would have been so easy for us to all just split up and do whatever we want on our own, but we always seem to make sure to get back together.

Thanks guys.

I’m not totally certain if it comes across well, but this is my mostly loaded suitcase for our journey to Belfast in the morning.

Time is hard for me.  Months will feel like days and hours will take weeks to pass, it seems.  I didn’t actually notice that this was my reality until I went about half of a year without talking to my mom without even realizing that I had been without her (which wouldn’t be an issue except that it is really hard to explain to a parent that you don’t miss them, but in a nice way).  Or when I realize that I lost a dear family friend about seven years ago, even though it’s hard to remember being without him.  So this last week or so in Dublin have felt like my entire life, and right now it is hard for me to fully comprehend that I am about to leave this place, possibly forever.

Having this messed up notion of time really screws with my place connectedness.  When I am in Wyoming, Wyoming is the only place that I feel attached to, and vice versa with Georgia.  Having this non-attachment due to never actually feeling loss leads to Hogwarts feeling as real to me, sometimes, as my hometown.

So Karlee got this tattoo the other day and I was incredibly jealous (in a good way).  I kept thinking about how, no matter what, Dublin will always be a part of her.

Our scars and tattoos tell the stories of our life for us.  I have a scar on my face from where I was with my family at Boar’s Tusk, a format volcano a little ways from my hometown, and from that point on Boar’s Tusk became a little piece of my identity.  And not completely in a bad way; the thing that I remember most from that day was the care and worry that my grandpa showed for me.  The rash on my wrist (which I am trying to stop picking at, I promise) will likely scar, so Dublin will become a little piece of my story and it will exist in more than just my memory (I was going to use a picture of my wrist, but I decided that that would be unpleasant to view and for me to post on Instagram).  I’m also hoping to get a tattoo while we are in Belfast (a much better reminder of Ireland than the scar).  I’ve chosen to immortalize this place on my body.

I originally took this picture because I was joking with Karlee about her being a self-proclaimed “selfie queen”, so I decided to take my own selfie.  The more I looked at the picture though, the more that I though that it could, been taken almost anywhere.  This is silly, but it hasn’t occurred to me, or at least I had not fully realized, that I stay the same no matter where I am; it’s still me.  I fell like over time I have created separate existences in my separate places, and it is always weird to me when they intermingle.  I was messaging my partner earlier and I felt off, but I couldn’t figure out why, but I think that this is it.  I hadn’t accommodated for them in this sphere of my existence.  Whenever I am in Wyoming, I never think of my Georgia friends, and vice versa.  But I am the same person.  Right now I have a partner, and they exist in every sphere of my existence.  I have a best friend that is not static in her place, but is also moving throughout time.  My parents and sister will change and develop no matter my location.  This is ridiculous, I know, but this is one of the moments where the world became more dynamic for me.  I changed because of a selfie.

I’m the oldest kid of two parents who went through really horrid childhoods, so I was constantly trying to be better than I was.  This would be a good thing if I had known when to stop, but I hadn’t, so I just saw what was faulty.  When I think about what aspects that I got from other people, I seem to focus only on the negative.  I got a bad temper from my dad; my grandfather gave me his arrogance; my mom made me untrusting; all of them passed on to me their want for addiction.  It wasn’t until this last few months that I started to analyze the great aspects that they gave to me too.  My dad taught me that if it isn’t my business, then I need to back off;  my grandpa taught me to try everything, even if I’m not great at it (or terrible even); my mom gave me an open mind.  I am a massive conglomerate of all that is around me, but this is my greatest strength.  I have the power to learn and adapt.