Making Home

I have been thinking a lot about claiming place.  Does place have its own, intrinsic value; or does space become place based on the human definition of it?  In what ways do we claim space?  In what ways do we have a right to?

When traveling, especially when staying in one place for an extended time, it is important for me to find a way to define “my” place – to lay claim.  When first arriving to UCD campus, one of the first things I did was unpack.  I put pictures up on my board, set my computer on the desk, draped headbands from a hook, etc.  I hate living out of a suitcase; it feels too transient.  I have a need to feel grounded, even when in a new place. I need to create a “home.”

Today, I spent more time in the apartment than I have in previous days.  Most of the group came together and made a spaghetti dinner.  Afterwards, we sat around and stayed up too late having in-depth conversations.  This, too, has made this space feel like home.  Much like hanging up my clothes and displaying my pictures, having good food and making good friends has really helped me feel grounded in this place.  Of course, this apartment and city cannot feel like home in only 5 days, but it is beginning to feel “homey.”

I have been on group trips before, and the dynamic of this group is better than any I have been with previously.  We stay in contact with each other, keep track of and take care of each other, and have even enjoyed making meals for the rest of the group.  This energy has really helped the group, both those of us who have travelled before and those who haven’t.  Even after my other traveling experience, I still usually tend to homesickness, but I haven’t really experienced that on this trip.  Of course I miss my family (hi mom!) and husband, but the kindness and energy of this group has really helped to make this feel like a home-space.

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Through the Glass, Looking

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Yesterday we visited the Hugh Lane Gallery that includes a striking installation of Francis Bacon’s studio. The gallery removed each item from the studio’s original location and reproduced the space piece for piece within the museum.  When considering theories of place in conjunction with this studio, we might begin by asking questions about the changes that a place undergoes when it is dis-placed.  However, I want to go in a slightly different direction and consider the experience of the visitor.  Under what circumstances can one claim to have been to or been in a place?

My family has a rule that you can’t say you’ve been to a country if you don’t leave the airport.  If you have a layover and go out into the city, then it counts whether or not you spend the night.  This family rule informs the way that I feel about experiencing place.  One must experience a place to be able to claim it.  At the Francis Bacon studio, there is small space where one can “go in” to the room.  There is about a 3’x3′ glass alcove that allows one to have a simulated feeling of entering the space.  But does this count as entering?  How many of the 5 senses must be awaken?  Does seeing a place counting as “going”?  Or must one touch, smell, taste, and hear in order to experience?  Where is the line drawn?  I would argue that the hermetic seal between the visitor and the Francis Bacon studio keeps the individual from being able to claim having truly “been” in that place.  But what about a room that is simply roped off?  Does that count as “being” in a place?  It’s closer.  Maybe, in the end, it doesn’t matter.  The way we lay claim to places is perhaps arbitrary to begin with.  But I will say that I have seen the Francis Bacon studio.

Seclusion, Segregation, & Surveillance

The guide on the Kilmainham Gaol tour used three words to describe the old prison: segregation, surveillance, & seclusion. These three words reminded me of a documentary I watched called Solitary about solitary confinement in the modern prison system. Solitary confinement greatly impacts the physical, mental, and emotional stability of the confined prisoner. Imagine being locked in a small prison cell for hours, days, or even months–stuck inside the walls of the prison with no escape. The limitations of your physical body induces an overactive mind, constantly plagued with thoughts of the past and your looming execution. While I walked around the prison grounds, I could not help thinking of how these small cells and the seclusion of the prisoners’ bodies impacted their mental and emotional turmoil.

Where did the minds of the revolutionaries and poets wander in the confinement of their cells? Perhaps, they spent time thinking about the Easter Rising; could they justify their actions as moral and imperative for a free Ireland? Or did they revolt in vain? Would their families survive without them? Would there ever be a free Ireland? How would they face death and what would meet them on the other side? All of these questions, thoughts, and emotions spilling out of their minds and filling up the limited spaces of their secluded, segregated, and surveilled prison cells.

You can see from my picture that Sara and Jolie look very somber at the prospect of solitary confinement in the Kilmainham Gaol.

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Prisoners and Executions

I was also really excited about visiting Kilmainham Gaol today, especially after learning more about it and seeing it in films that I’m familiar with. I am a huge fan of The Italian Job (the original version, not the Mark Wahlberg version), so it was incredible to see where parts of it were filmed. The part of the prison with the stairs was beautiful, and I took a lot of great pictures there.

After the tour of Killmainham Gaol and a bus ride back, Alex and I went to the candlelit vigil that the University College Dublin LGBT Society was having by the lake for the victims and families of the Orlando shooting that happened yesterday. Most of the people in attendance were Irish, and several of them spoke about tolerance and how important it is for allies to stand with the LGBT community, particularly American LGBT members, right now and always. Then, a young man from America who had just gotten his Irish citizenship spoke. He got emotional and felt shameful about the situation, and it really struck me when he said, “I am mostly upset because I know that we will be having this same conversation again.”

It made me think about political and social progress. We’ve mentioned several times in class how history isn’t really that far in the past, mostly in terms of the uprising and events like Bloody Sunday. The Obergefell v. Hodges ruling wasn’t that long ago. Stonewall wasn’t that long ago. People like to talk about these things as if they are so far removed from relevance today — as if people aren’t dying every day from heinous hate crimes like the one that happened in Orlando. It is hard not to think about progress as an illusion sometimes.

I was just amazed, but not really surprised, how passionate the students all were about what happened, and what they could do to help change it. I was glad I got to be a part of it, but so deeply unhappy about the horrific circumstances it was under.

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Prison Perspectives

I have been looking forward to the visit to Kilmainham Gaol since I first saw it was on the itinerary for this trip. I googled images and I have to say it was even more astounding in person. The jail was in surprisingly good condition considering its 100 years old and had to be restored a couple decades ago. It was interesting to learn how two groups that opposed each other during the war banned together to rebuild Kilmainham. The tour guides have worked hard to maintain the structural integrity of this beautiful piece of history and provide explorers with a brief and interesting account of what occurred here. I couldn’t believe children as young as 5 years old were put in jail for petty crimes mostly fueled on their survival. It was eerie to stand in the nicer room where those awaiting execution would spend their final night under the watchful eye of the executor.

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After we completed the tour we wandered through the grounds of an old hospital that has been converted into an art museum. Here we got to see a building I realized I had seen in the distance just yesterday. It was really cool to get up close and personal to a place I had only seen the recognizable green roof of from the top window at Hugh Lane. The building was incredible and completely encircled a large stone courtyard. Unfortunately, the museum is closed on Monday so we were only allowed the outdoor tour, fortunately it was lovely outside today.

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To put it in words.

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This is going to be pretty dreary, and rather intimate for me, just a warning.

For most of yesterday and today, whenever I am not actively focussing on something I will just feel… heavy.  The shootings in Orlando have not left my mind, and I think that if will be a long time before I feel “normal” again.  I keep getting drawn back into thoughts about how horrible it must be for those families right now, about how pissed off I am that this happened, and mostly I’ve been overwhelmed with the fact that it could have been me, or someone I knew.  My partner is the Vice President of GSU’s Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity, and through them I have met loads of queer and trans people; any of them could have been killed, easily.  It could have been me getting the call that I have lost my partner because some asshole decided that they didn’t deserve life.  Other shootings could happen, and my parents would get the call that their kid is gone.

My dad and I have recently had a falling out because of my views surrounding my own gender and sexuality, and part of the reason for this falling out is that he is terrified that I am going to be a victim.  None of his issues have anything to do with personal beliefs, but instead with fear of outsiders.  He wants me to not follow what I believe in.  He doesn’t think that it is worth fighting for, but I do.  So I might die, and I have to be willing to take that risk.  The picture that I took was important to me because I keep wondering if I should write letters to the people that are important to me, so that, in the event of a tragedy, they could know who I am and what I want.

C. Markievicz, 1916

Countess Markiovich, one of the coolest people ever

Countess Markiovich, one of the coolest people ever

 

Countess Markiovich was a Cumann na mBan insurrectionist during the Easter Rising of 1916. She co-led a contingent of other rebels in holding Stephen’s Green during the rebellion and, when the Rising was ultimately (at least temporarily) thwarted, Countess Markiovich, along with many other women fighting for the Irish, refused leniency and insisted on being arrested at the end of the Rising.

 

The fight for Stephen’s Green is filled with amusing Anecdotes. For instance, throughout the fighting, the groundskeeper of Stephen’s Green refused to surrender his post. Twice a day he would leave his cottage in the Green and feed the park’s ducks and, twice a day, the British and Irish forces would hold a ceasefire to allow him to do so. In another story, countess Markiovich had a captured British soldier participate in a cucumber sandwich picnic.

 

These stories can in some ways obscure the fact that Countess Markiovich was actually a brutally effective commander willing to do incredible things for her ideals. She was also one of the best shots in the rebellion and killed an enemy soldier at least once during the rebellion.

 

Countess Markiovich is a fascinating figure in Irish history, and one who complicates many of the dominant representations of that history. To see her reimagined in a modern context, as demonstrated in the  picture above, and with commercial intent, enables the reimagining of the spaces that her representations pass through and the values of the people who inhabit those spaces.

Stained Ain’t Plain

It does not get much better than free access to a museum, and I really enjoyed all that The Hugh Laney had to offer. This art museum was the perfect size to wander around, but still find something new around every corner. Interactive art pieces were a consistent part of the viewer experience, particularly one titled “Mirrors.” My favorite artist, however, was a man named Harry Clarke who is a well known stained glass designer of Ireland. He had a very small exhibit that consisted of a dark room near the entrance, it did not appear like much on first glance. Once you walked inside, though, you are surrounded by brightly lit and intricately designed pieces of art. The details of each piece are hard to capture at first glance so I found myself spending majority of my time studying the complexity of his work.

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We were lucky the day turned quickly from rain to shine and remained that way for the remainder of our evening. When I wandered up the highest floor they grant visitors access to, there was an incredible view of The Garden of Remembrance. I felt that the drastic change of weather represented what the Garden stands for to this day. Although Irish history came from a gray, dreary and downright negative space they were able to rise out of it. Even though lives were lost, they are not forgotten and the sun will shine again as it did yesterday.

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Displacement of Place & Space

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines “displace” as “to remove from the usual or proper place.” It is interesting that in our discussions of place, we have not encountered this word (or so I believe), which is heavily connected with place or rather the absence of a specific place. The Francis Bacon exhibit at the Hugh Lane Museum got me thinking about the concepts of displacement; his art studio abstracted from its original place to inside the exhibit hall. The Hugh Lane Museum website states that archaeologists “mapp[ed] out the spaces and locations of the objects.” The phrase, “mapping out spaces,” stood out to me. How can one map out spaces? When does displacement occur? How do concepts of place change when a place is literally displaced into another place?

As tourists and travelers, we have been “mapping out spaces,” finding routes on the bus system, following Google Maps (or our free fold up maps), and asking locals for suggestions. In these moments, we have not applied value or meaning to the space, but we contemplate the possibility of applying meaning and value; thus, we “map” the space and measure the spatial relations between ourselves and the concepts of place. Can we apply meaning to this space? Think of all the spaces that we have passed on our walks through Dublin–the spaces that go unnoticed or ignored. We consciously and unconsciously choose to map our spatial surroundings so that we can apply meaning and value– we can find place in the displaced space.

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Beat the drums!

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I really like the feeling and emotion of music.  I like to feel it flow through my shoulders in a heavy, but still pleasant, way.  Purely based on my love of music, I knew that last night was going to be fun and that I was going to have a great time, but there was an added layer of personal attachment, that I felt, as soon as he (I have regretably forgotten his name) pulled out this drum.  I mentioned in my last post that my step-grandfather is Native American, but I didn’t bring up just how much so the culture and belief system had been brought into my family’s life.  Not too long after my grandparents were married, they started going to Sundance together in Michigan.  After the first time they went, my grandmother pulled me aside and asked me if I could go with them next year.  She said that she had never had such a personal and intimate connection with her place in her life; she had found herself.  I was 13 at the time, and my entire identity had been shifting around me, so I longed for this certainty in myself that my grandmother seemed to have attained.  As soon as the artist brought out that drum last night, I was transported back to that period of wondering who I was and feeling uncomfortable with myself, but still being secure in knowing that everyone around me had my back, that it didn’t matter what I was so long as I was me (and not a murderer, of course).