This is going to be pretty dreary, and rather intimate for me, just a warning.

For most of yesterday and today, whenever I am not actively focussing on something I will just feel… heavy.  The shootings in Orlando have not left my mind, and I think that if will be a long time before I feel “normal” again.  I keep getting drawn back into thoughts about how horrible it must be for those families right now, about how pissed off I am that this happened, and mostly I’ve been overwhelmed with the fact that it could have been me, or someone I knew.  My partner is the Vice President of GSU’s Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity, and through them I have met loads of queer and trans people; any of them could have been killed, easily.  It could have been me getting the call that I have lost my partner because some asshole decided that they didn’t deserve life.  Other shootings could happen, and my parents would get the call that their kid is gone.

My dad and I have recently had a falling out because of my views surrounding my own gender and sexuality, and part of the reason for this falling out is that he is terrified that I am going to be a victim.  None of his issues have anything to do with personal beliefs, but instead with fear of outsiders.  He wants me to not follow what I believe in.  He doesn’t think that it is worth fighting for, but I do.  So I might die, and I have to be willing to take that risk.  The picture that I took was important to me because I keep wondering if I should write letters to the people that are important to me, so that, in the event of a tragedy, they could know who I am and what I want.