The goal of my proposal was to persuade the audience that a need or a problem exists. After considering several other topics, such as the impact of technology on environment or the right to privacy, I decided on the impact of technology on family bonding. In my opinion, this topic has not been addressed enough and it really has an influence on each and every one of us. I tried to cover all three rhetorical styles. To prove that my problem is real, I used relevant sources. In order to support my argument, I made use of statistics, facts and research articles. Giving reasons and evidence is the heart of argumentation, and cannot be emphasized enough. In order to hit pathos and show family disconnectedness, I used the real story of a family dealing with these struggles. I hit ethos through the topic of my paper.
Chapter 12 from “Everything’s An Argument” was particularly helpful because it helped me decide on my topic and gave specific guidelines for research. The opportunity of having my draft reviewed in class by Dr. Wharton and classmates ultimately shaped my final draft. My first and my second draft focused more on claims then evidence and interpretation. Based on the feedback, I got rid of unnecessary fluff replacing it instead with surveys, opposing views and statistics. In my last draft I rewrote my introduction and some of the paragraphs to have just one or two claims per paragraph followed by evidence and interpretation.
By writing this research proposal, I have expanded my knowledge about technology, focusing on areas that are of particular interest to me. I ended up having a strong introduction, still some of my paragraphs were lacking transition sentences. With more time on my hands, I would have worked on formulating transitions to emphasize the relationship among points and how they fit into my argument.
Here is the introduction paragraph used in my first proposal draft:
“Technological developments are changing every aspect of the world we live in. We often focus on the bigger picture such as the effects of technology on the environment or the threat to privacy. All the while, we neglect the impact on each and every one of us, which is the shifting nature of family communication and bonding. Family values seem to disappear as people are spending an increasing amount of time on virtual network. Without doubt, electronic devices are making our lives much easier. However, are we spending more time with technology than with our family? In the past, family bonding time often meant parents and kids gathered around the dinner table or a board game, in the modern day, moms are following celebrities on Twitter, dads are busy answering work emails and the kids are playing video games or chatting with friends on social media. One cannot help but wonder if this is a snapshot portraying the slow death of the family bondage.”
I thought i had a good introduction paragraph until Dr. Wharton and classmates, went through each sentence. I realized that all I had was my opinion out there, without any evidence to back me up. In a proposal, you typically dramatize the problem you intend to fix at the beginning of the project, and then lead up to a specific claim. That is way it was so important to have a clear and engaging introduction. As you can see, in my first introduction, i had just claims, no evidence and no interpretation. Based on the feedback, I reorganized the entire paragraph, replacing redundant stuff with statistics, which not only support my argument, but paint a vivid picture of the problem. I have also provided a brief interpretation of my evidence.
Below i have the polished introduction used in my final proposal draft.
“Family values seem to disappear as people are spending an increasing amount of time on virtual network. Without doubt, electronic devices are making our lives much easier. However, are we spending more time with technology than with our family? Today, “the average American child grows up in a home with 3 televisions, 2 music CD players, 3 radios, 2 VCR/DVD players, 1 video game player, and 1 computer” (Bowman). In her article “How Family Time is Affected by Technology,” Amy Bowman says that “teens, age 13 to 18 spend 72 hours a week interacting with electronic gadgets. Only 45% of teenagers spend at least 9 hours each week with their family.” In the past, family bonding time often meant parents and kids gathered around the dinner table or a board game, in the modern day, moms are following celebrities on Twitter, dads are busy answering work emails and the kids are playing video games or chatting with friends on social media. One cannot help but wonder if this is a snapshot portraying the slow death of the family bonding.”