Rule #1: Don’t use the stairs. The steps are always too small, the height is too large or only three steps, and the guard rails are very questionable.
Rule #2 Don’t forget your mobility aid. If you run out of breath in the middle of a staircase, hunched over, breathing heavily, and holding your head, people will think you’re having a stroke. A mobility aid means you are supposed to be like that.
Rule #3: walk on the right side when you go up unless there is a large group of people coming towards you. In that case keep your back against the wall, yell “Excuse me!” ten times, and ignore the people vaguely touching you.
Rule #4: This rule is the same as 3 except you’re going down the stairs. Hold the guard rail tight.
Rule #5: Covid may be officially over but still wear a stupid mask. And disposable gloves. NYC germs are on a different level with their contamination abilities.
Rule #6: Don’t stop in the middle of the stairs unless you’re absolutely dying. You’re not dying. You’re bad at stairs.