By Brianna Washington
Single parenting is becoming the new normal.
For many, becoming a parent and raising a family is the dream. To have a cohesive family unit, one with a nice home, a white picket fence, a dog, etc., is a goal that many people attribute to a “perfect” life. There are also many that may or may not want the same thing, but fit into their own mold. They’ve redefined society’s age-old narrative by creating their own version of “perfect.” They are the single-parent households and this is their story.
The emergence of the single-parent household has skyrocketed in recent decades. It is becoming more common to see households with one parent being the sole provider of everything for their children, including education, regular day-to-day expenses and emotional support. There are multiple reasons for this, as some households are like this due to divorce, abandonment by the other parent and death.
Following her divorce, Tanisha Thompson, a 42-year-old mother of two, began to realize the many demands of assuming the role of a single parent. “The hardest thing is being both parents at one time. It was nice to be able to have a backup as a parent when I was married, but now it is all on me. Having my girls look to me for total parental support can be overwhelming at times.”
It is not uncommon for single parents to receive outside help from other family members, as the daily demands of caring for their family on their own can take a tremendous toll.
Thompson attributes a lot of her ability to meet the demands of a single parent to the help of her parents.
“I receive a ton of help from family members,” she explains. “I have two jobs and am in graduate school. I could not provide this lifestyle for my girls without the support of my parents.”
Many parents are not able to depend on family members and sometimes shun mothers like Thompson, as they see it as taking the easy way out. There are others that view this as a positive attribute to single parenting, as the child is being raised by a community or a “village” and can be given additional attention.
Single-father households are made to feel like outsiders within the single-parent dynamic. Many single-parent households are a result of a male, usually seen as the leader or the breadwinner, abandoning his family. This creates another separate stigma geared toward males that is negative.
Single fathers are a rare breed.
Father of two Zach Flowry, however, is one of the few that challenges this stereotype. “I think because I’m a single dad, it depends who I’m talking to. You get some people who are amazed, like it’s a noble thing to be a single dad.”
There is still a stigma surrounding single parents. Many feel as if the discord within these families could create deep, emotional scars for all involved.
Thompson, however, doesn’t feel as if she is stigmatized. “At this point in my life, I think society views me as normal. I am 42 years old and a lot of the women in my demographic who are moms are single by choice or by a failed relationship. I don’t feel any negative stigma by being a single mom.”
While she feels as if she herself is not judged for being a single mom, Thompson’s youngest daughter has a different opinion.
“My younger daughter feels embarrassed by being a child of a single mom,” she expresses. “I know she wishes her core family unit was still intact.”
Her youngest is not alone, as many children feel that their single-parent household is not “normal.” Specifically, during early school years, many kids have friends that have two-parent households and start to notice the difference.
The media has produced programming to try changing this feeling for children of single-parent households. Media plays a huge role in influencing youth and shows such as “The Andy Griffith Show” and “Gilmore Girls” helped to show the normalcy in having just one parent.
Though single parents have seemingly adjusted to life alone, it is sometimes overlooked that they still yearn love.
Dating is something that is easy for some single parents and harder for others. Thompson has no problems with dating because of the new normalcy surrounding single parents.
“I just started dating again recently and for me it has not been an issue. I think it’s because I have been a single parent for a long time and most people my age have kids. They are juggling the same responsibilities I am.”
Flowry, however, says that dating can be a little different for guys. “It’s definitely a lot harder finding someone who wants to stay around once they find out you’ve got kids. The biggest issue is that women assume dating a guy with kids means you automatically have to take on the role of being a mom to them, even though that’s not the case at all.”
Thompson highlights that regardless of all the stigma surrounding her single parenthood, being a mother is her greatest motivation.
Single parents have a special kind of love and bond for their families.
“What keeps me going is to know that I am shaping the future of my kids’ lives,” she says. “That one day they will contribute to society. I know that I am their example, good or bad. I work hard to show them that it does pay off and you actually can have a good, balanced, and happy life as a single woman.”
Single parenting has many wonderful ups and many tough downs, but the one thing that is certain for all of these parents is that the number one thing making all of the hard work, stress and dedication worth it at the end of the day, is their endless love for their children.