Grey

Written By: Madison Billingslea 

It’s ten in the morning when I wake up. The birds are singing, and the sun provides plenty of light outside through the cover of grey clouds. It’s a new day full of new possibilities and opportunities.
                I turn away from the window and go back to sleep.
                I really wake up around noon, but the room is still dark. The curtains keep most of the light out. I like it that way. It helps me sleep whenever I need to take a nap. Besides, there’s no one else here to complain. This is my space, and mine alone.
                I’m tired. I guess it’s because of work last night. It wasn’t a long shift or a busy one, but it was still taxing. Maybe if I knew my coworkers better, it would help. But we barely cross paths; when the next person arrives to take the next shift, the other leaves as soon as possible. I don’t blame them, though. I do the same thing. It’s not best to deal with people when they’re tired. Besides, it could be a little awkward if you stick around longer than you’re supposed to. It’s best just to move on.
                Luckily, I don’t have to work today. I can do whatever I want. I move through the muted, empty landscape of my house to the kitchen to make breakfast. I think I’ll treat myself today, so I have a bowl of cereal. I didn’t really feel like cooking anyway.
                I sit on the couch as raindrops drum against the roof. I like the rain. Maybe I’ll watch it for a bit, I think, but I don’t touch the curtains. Besides the rain, the house is quiet. Calm. Stale.
               There’s nothing to do today, so that’s exactly what I do. I mindlessly scroll through Netflix. At first, I think I want to try something new. So many people have recommended things to watch. In the end, I don’t pick any of them. I rewatch something I’ve seen before. It’s comfortable.
                Hours and episodes later, there’s something missing. The bright colors of the screen do little to affect my mood. I had all day to do, well, anything. I could have listened to music. I could have cleaned the house. I could have worked out. Why didn’t I? I wasted so much valuable time. But I’m tired.
                I pull out my phone and scroll through my messages. Maybe I should talk to someone. My sister? No. I talked to her a few days ago. I complained a lot then. She doesn’t need any more negativity from me. What about Sam? I haven’t talked to them in a while; our schedules haven’t been quite in sync. No. They’ve been busy lately. I don’t want to distract them or cause them any more stress. My ex and I reconnected recently, and that went well. Maybe him? No. It’s too early. I don’t want them to think I’m interested or too attached. It’s best to keep a safe distance to avoid any unpleasantness.
                I put my phone back down and return to another episode, but it doesn’t feel the same. I’m bored, so I try to think of things to do. It doesn’t work. I’m tired. I go back to bed.
And the cycle continues. Wake up. Eat. Watch. Talk? No. Bored. Tired.
                All day, the house is quiet.
                All day, the curtains are drawn.   
                All day, I’m tired.
                I’m free.
                I’m alone.