Into the Unknown

by: Alyssa Smith

August 4, 2014.

The day came for us to leave the only place I knew as home. I never left the island, and now that I was, I did not know how to feel about this new event in my life. My aunt and cousins took us to the airport bright and early due to our flight leaving at 9 a.m. As we checked our bags, I saw my mom’s expression change. She was crying. I told her we could turn around and go back, to which she mouthed ‘no.’ Once our bags were rolled away and we received our tickets, we said goodbye to my aunt and cousins at the departure gates since they were not allowed to bypass that area. I was overcome with emotions that the thought of moving to a new country made me anxious. Once I sat in my assigned seat, I began examining my ticket. KIN à ATL, it read. We took off after all the passengers were settled, and the flight attendant reviewed the safety rules. I was mesmerized by how close we were to the clouds but were getting far away from what I thought would be my forever home.

            Why this sudden move? Didn’t my mom love Jamaica? What could be better than that? What felt like a year in the air, we landed in this place called “Atlanta, Georgia.” At first, I thought we were in the country of Georgia, not a state named ‘Georgia.’ When we got off the plane and entered the airport, I noticed it was huge compared to the one in Jamaica. We got to the officer who checks in ‘immigrants.’ Immigrants? Pfft, we’re Jamaicans.

“Hey, mommy,” I said, tapping her.

“What’s an immigrant?”

She said, “They’re people who come to live in another country.”

The officer took about two hours to verify the papers my mother had given him. The officer making small talk with us made the time go faster. Once he finished, he handed the documents to my mother. He turned to look at me and then called me over to the tiny counter. He asked how old I was, and I said I was fourteen. “Do well. This country will make you or break you. Choose wisely.” I shook my head in response to his statement but had no idea what he meant by that. Looking at us both with a smile, he says, “Welcome to the USA.”

            Coming from another country, I had to be mindful that I was no longer around Jamaicans. I was around everyone from diverse cultures. I heard people telling me that I did not “look Jamaican” and asking how I “knew how to speak English” even though Jamaicans spoke English. The whole thing was frustrating and annoying. After being in Atlanta for a few years, I have learned things that I never knew about in Jamaica I learned about here. One thing that stood out for me is how diverse the country is. All cultures and various backgrounds reside here. I never knew anything about race until I came here because the concept of race never mattered in the Caribbean. It was disappointing to hear people say that I was “no longer Jamaican, you’re Black. Get over it.”

That factor is not something I was prepared to hear. This country has been open to many things that Jamaica and other countries and islands in the Caribbean kept hidden from us kids. Witnessing criminal acts against people who looked like me is heartbreaking, but I never understood why. I felt like I had to be and act a certain way for people to accept me once a characteristic of mine was slightly altered. Changing my vocabulary and speech was one thing my peers told me to change if I wanted to “be here.” All these emotional and mental changes became so much that I lost myself completely. I was going into a state of isolation for a while, slipping into depression and eventually almost taking my own life. That occurrence made me look at myself through a different lens. My mother sat me down one evening in 2017 and asked me what was happening. I summarized everything to her, taking the story back to us, making this change of coming here. She told me one thing, and those words have still stuck with me

Do well. This country will make you or break you. Choose wisely.

A realization came to me, and I remembered those words clear as day. The officer at the airport said those exact words. Now, as I look at my life then, I see that my mother made the most courageous decision to move us here. I would not have met the most amazing people that I have in my life. Figuring out who I am took a few years, and being able to attend college would have been a never-ending dream for me if I were still in Jamaica. Those words that the officer said to me are still with me, and before I make any decisions, I always have those words ring in my ears. This country built my character and made me aware that your choices to better yourself, life in the US, could be much sweeter if you live through your days like it will be your last.