1

I Want Life to Feel Like a Movie

By: Mackenzie Barber

Not in a The Truman Show kind of kind of way where I come to realize that my life is staged and purely for the entertainment and profit of others, but that I want a perfectly curated soundtrack to play when I walk, and wind to blow through my hair, and life to feel a bit more special because every detail is important in a movie. I want to experience Christmas in New York, Fall in New England, and all the sappy nostalgic feelings that I haven’t experienced that movies make seem like a regular part of life. I think that I may have watched one too many coming-of-age movies which have perpetually doomed me into this hope that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll have it “all figured out”, and I can go through these comforting experiences and  travel whenever I want. I’ve come to the realization realistically, I’ll be able to travel where I want and go through all these experiences, but I’ve also realized that I must force myself to take initiative for anything to really happen in my life. 

Movies present a delusion that there’s plenty of time in a day: that it’s entirely possible to go to work, go to school, spend enough time with loved ones, explore things on my own, and even discover new things that I may actually have a passion for. However, I am disappointed by the reality that life doesn’t run on movie time, and that everything won’t fall into place on its own. I battle these thoughts by trying to make the mundanity of everyday life a little more exciting. I try to see every action as a main character moment or by romanticizing the little things I experience and do.  

I’ve also started to realize that this disappointment stems from sitting back and watching my life unfold in front of me all while I feel unable to take initiative. I know I can make my life more meaningful or cinematic, but instead I complain about how much it sucks to have responsibilities. However, I do really try to solve this issue by pretending I’m the main character of my own movie instead of submitting to my own trials and tribulations. I can listen to my perfectly curated playlists while I walk because it makes me feel purposeful and excited. I can make everything a little more tolerable by treating everyday events as side quests– it’s for my character development and I’ll get a reward after, so it’s ok to have to pay real bills, make boring insurance calls, and even get stuck traffic.

At the end of the day, movies may talk about boring and painful life problems that most people experience, but they have a little something special on top of that. Movies have all the lighting, music, and charm that makes bad situations seem enjoyable. This used to make me jealous, and even sad, but it’s all about faking it. I can have my main character moments and I can make life feel more special through thinking that it already is.